Trauma Triage - How to help in times of trauma | Deb Robins, Kick Ass Advice | DONNE TEMPO
Trauma Triage - How to help in times of trauma
June/19/2009 10:31 PM Filed in: Deb Robins
| Kick Ass
Advice
Hi Debbie:
Lately, a few people important to my life have suffered traumatic experiences or are in the depths of depression. I want to help, listen and make a difference but I am not sure what to say.
I
am not trained but I have had many life
experiences that have taught me a lot of dealing
with adversity and sadness. I also know people
wont listen until they are ready.
Is there something I can say that will comfort them as well as direct them to a better-feeling place without sounding cliche or insensitive?
(I) Really look forward to your advice.
Peace, Barbara
Barbara | 06.19.09 - 3:33 pm | #
Dear Barbara,
What a wonderful friend you are! I acknowledge you for knowing that people won’t listen until they’re ready.
Your question is such an important one: what can a good friend do until that happens? Here are three things I have done in similar circumstances.
#1: I stay in close touch. I call often. I email often - just to let them know I love them and I care. That is the most important communication you can have at times like these. When people are traumatized or deeply depressed, they are in need of consistent and unconditional love. Not solutions. Not yet. Just love.
#2: I never offer advice (yes, you heard me!) unless they ask for it. This is a big key. Our human tendency is to want to fix a loved one’s pain but unfortunately, this will get you into trouble every time. However, when they ask for your opinion - give it. Your life experience is your P.H.D.. When they ask for your help, move forward quickly with an action plan, but not until they ask.
#3: Lastly, I send my friends who are struggling the “light,” which is a euphemism for good thoughts. I envision them happy and healthy and on the other side of their challenge.
But again, this must be done without an expectation of how or when this will happen.
I hope these tips help you in your journey to support those who are so dear to you.
Debbie Robins
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel it! gang. You can make a difference at every age!
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.
Lately, a few people important to my life have suffered traumatic experiences or are in the depths of depression. I want to help, listen and make a difference but I am not sure what to say.
Is there something I can say that will comfort them as well as direct them to a better-feeling place without sounding cliche or insensitive?
(I) Really look forward to your advice.
Peace, Barbara
Barbara | 06.19.09 - 3:33 pm | #
Dear Barbara,
What a wonderful friend you are! I acknowledge you for knowing that people won’t listen until they’re ready.
Your question is such an important one: what can a good friend do until that happens? Here are three things I have done in similar circumstances.
#1: I stay in close touch. I call often. I email often - just to let them know I love them and I care. That is the most important communication you can have at times like these. When people are traumatized or deeply depressed, they are in need of consistent and unconditional love. Not solutions. Not yet. Just love.
#2: I never offer advice (yes, you heard me!) unless they ask for it. This is a big key. Our human tendency is to want to fix a loved one’s pain but unfortunately, this will get you into trouble every time. However, when they ask for your opinion - give it. Your life experience is your P.H.D.. When they ask for your help, move forward quickly with an action plan, but not until they ask.
#3: Lastly, I send my friends who are struggling the “light,” which is a euphemism for good thoughts. I envision them happy and healthy and on the other side of their challenge.
But again, this must be done without an expectation of how or when this will happen.
I hope these tips help you in your journey to support those who are so dear to you.
Debbie Robins
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel it! gang. You can make a difference at every age!
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.