Nit-Picking Boss - Turning a negative into a positive. | Kick Ass Advice, Deb Robins, Career | DONNE TEMPO
Nit-Picking Boss - Turning a negative into a positive.
Good morning crap shovelers!
I wanted to share with you a great question I recently received from Anita in Minnesota. Here are my suggestions for how Anita can turn her challenges into the peace and happiness she deserves.
Anita in Minnesota wrote:
Hello, Deb. Thank you for your column. I could use some kick-ass advice about my boss. He is a really nice guy
when he’s relaxed, which is rare, but
most of the time he’s incredibly negative, always
finding what’s wrong with what I do, always
nit-picking me and everyone else. It frustrates
me...and also hurts my feelings. What can I
do?
First, Anita, thanks so much for writing in. Oh, my god. I totally understand your situation. I’ve had employers like that too.
It’s really hard when someone who has power or influence over you isn’t kind or appreciative. Very hard. (translation: be gentle with yourself!)
I have three crap shoveling techniques for you to try out. I think you’ll find they will help.
Crap Shoveling Technique #1: Always remember that what someone does to you they do to themselves. Have you noticed that your boss is really hard on himself? Have you ever seen him get frustrated with his own work product and self-fume? If that’s the case, and because you’re a more conscious person, you have to bring your compassion to the table. Easy? No. Necessary? Yes. Imagine how hard it is for him to live a happy life when he’s that self-critical. Almost impossible. That’s sad.
CST #2: Find subtle ways to compliment him. Reflect what you like about him. If he solves a complicated problem, acknowledge him for it. If he is wearing a nice suit, say so. If you see he’s having a bad day, let him know you noticed. Behave with him exactly the way you would want him to behave with you. Our instinct can be the opposite. You hurt me, so I’ll find a way to hurt you. You’re cold. I’ll be colder. But it doesn’t work. It’ amazing how mirroring the behavior you want can help the other person learn how to do it too. That’s a win-win.
CST #3: Always be your own perfect boss. Pat yourself on the back. Write yourself a great annual review! Find a way to give yourself the raise you deserve! Claim your excellence and don’t let a hurt person, who probably had a wounded, critical parent, diminish your own self worth!
Anita - Let me know how these things work for you. I look forward to hearing from you again,
Debbie Robins
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel It! Gang. You can make a difference.
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.
I wanted to share with you a great question I recently received from Anita in Minnesota. Here are my suggestions for how Anita can turn her challenges into the peace and happiness she deserves.
Anita in Minnesota wrote:
Hello, Deb. Thank you for your column. I could use some kick-ass advice about my boss. He is a really nice guy
First, Anita, thanks so much for writing in. Oh, my god. I totally understand your situation. I’ve had employers like that too.
It’s really hard when someone who has power or influence over you isn’t kind or appreciative. Very hard. (translation: be gentle with yourself!)
I have three crap shoveling techniques for you to try out. I think you’ll find they will help.
Crap Shoveling Technique #1: Always remember that what someone does to you they do to themselves. Have you noticed that your boss is really hard on himself? Have you ever seen him get frustrated with his own work product and self-fume? If that’s the case, and because you’re a more conscious person, you have to bring your compassion to the table. Easy? No. Necessary? Yes. Imagine how hard it is for him to live a happy life when he’s that self-critical. Almost impossible. That’s sad.
CST #2: Find subtle ways to compliment him. Reflect what you like about him. If he solves a complicated problem, acknowledge him for it. If he is wearing a nice suit, say so. If you see he’s having a bad day, let him know you noticed. Behave with him exactly the way you would want him to behave with you. Our instinct can be the opposite. You hurt me, so I’ll find a way to hurt you. You’re cold. I’ll be colder. But it doesn’t work. It’ amazing how mirroring the behavior you want can help the other person learn how to do it too. That’s a win-win.
CST #3: Always be your own perfect boss. Pat yourself on the back. Write yourself a great annual review! Find a way to give yourself the raise you deserve! Claim your excellence and don’t let a hurt person, who probably had a wounded, critical parent, diminish your own self worth!
Anita - Let me know how these things work for you. I look forward to hearing from you again,
Debbie Robins
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel It! Gang. You can make a difference.
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.