Raising Teens - Addressing the Weight Issues. | Deb Robins, Kick Ass Advice, Family, Children | DONNE TEMPO
Raising Teens - Addressing the Weight Issues.
Dear Debbie:
My 17 year old daughter is beautiful and a very normal weight for her age. She looks just great.
(When)
She weighed in at her annual checkup and was very
unhapppy with her weight (she is also an athelete
so she has good muscle tone which may add a
couple of pounds). Many of her friends aspire to
being as thin as they can. I think she
understands that she shouldn't worry about it too
much, and as a former anorexic myself, I am
overly sensitive to her feelings on this, but she
immediately asked me to change the foods i buy
for the household AND not to discuss it with her.
At 17, she is forging her own identity, and in this country, women and girls have such a distorted sense of what is normal. Should I bite my tongue, observe and just see how she takes care of herself before giving my advice? She seems to really want to take care of it herself. I just want to let her know that she is allowed to diet a little but that she needs to know she is beautiful just as she is and that she doesn't need to be obsessive about it, with a few simple dietary adjustments, if she wants to, she can be a tad slimmer and look just how she wants to in a bikini!
Sandra Levy | Homepage | 06.19.09 - 9:34 pm | # Sandra,
Dear Sandra:
Thank you for sharing the parenting challenge you are facing with your 17 year old daughter and her weight issue. Like you, I am constantly working with my upset about the beauty images we broadcast to the young people of our world.
What struck me about your question is how WISE you are!
You write: “Should I bite my tongue, observe and just see how she takes care of herself before giving my advice?”
As is often the way, your willingness to ask the question opened the door to the answer. The answer to that question is YES.
Do you know why? Because allowing her to make self honoring choices without your help will give her ownership of those choices. That is exactly how we build self esteem at every age.
Here are a few other things you may consider doing:
#1: Since you will be saying nothing for now and just observing....when your daughter does make a choice that rocks, reflect that back to her. Example: “I tried the gluten free bread you bought. I liked it!” Otherwise, mum’s the word.
#2: That doesn’t mean you can’t contribute your powerful life experiences to her. In lieu of talking about her weight, write her emails or letters with your thoughts on the subject, and/or give her clippings and articles you think she will enjoy.
My experience with both men and teenagers is that non-verbal communication is often the best way to broach sensitive subjects. Giving her the information this way allows her the time to digest it, think about it, and get back to you when she’s ready.
#3: When she’s in the mood, play the “who’s beautiful, powerful and not super thin” game. Three of my all time favorites are Oprah, Queen Latifah and Hilary Clinton. I adore Wynona Judd too. There are many great examples found in the media as well as the people in your own life that you admire.
Debbie Robins
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel it! gang. You can make a difference at every age!
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.
My 17 year old daughter is beautiful and a very normal weight for her age. She looks just great.
At 17, she is forging her own identity, and in this country, women and girls have such a distorted sense of what is normal. Should I bite my tongue, observe and just see how she takes care of herself before giving my advice? She seems to really want to take care of it herself. I just want to let her know that she is allowed to diet a little but that she needs to know she is beautiful just as she is and that she doesn't need to be obsessive about it, with a few simple dietary adjustments, if she wants to, she can be a tad slimmer and look just how she wants to in a bikini!
Sandra Levy | Homepage | 06.19.09 - 9:34 pm | # Sandra,
Dear Sandra:
Thank you for sharing the parenting challenge you are facing with your 17 year old daughter and her weight issue. Like you, I am constantly working with my upset about the beauty images we broadcast to the young people of our world.
What struck me about your question is how WISE you are!
You write: “Should I bite my tongue, observe and just see how she takes care of herself before giving my advice?”
As is often the way, your willingness to ask the question opened the door to the answer. The answer to that question is YES.
Do you know why? Because allowing her to make self honoring choices without your help will give her ownership of those choices. That is exactly how we build self esteem at every age.
Here are a few other things you may consider doing:
#1: Since you will be saying nothing for now and just observing....when your daughter does make a choice that rocks, reflect that back to her. Example: “I tried the gluten free bread you bought. I liked it!” Otherwise, mum’s the word.
#2: That doesn’t mean you can’t contribute your powerful life experiences to her. In lieu of talking about her weight, write her emails or letters with your thoughts on the subject, and/or give her clippings and articles you think she will enjoy.
My experience with both men and teenagers is that non-verbal communication is often the best way to broach sensitive subjects. Giving her the information this way allows her the time to digest it, think about it, and get back to you when she’s ready.
#3: When she’s in the mood, play the “who’s beautiful, powerful and not super thin” game. Three of my all time favorites are Oprah, Queen Latifah and Hilary Clinton. I adore Wynona Judd too. There are many great examples found in the media as well as the people in your own life that you admire.
Debbie Robins
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel it! gang. You can make a difference at every age!
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.