Adjusting to a Move | Deb Robins, Kick Ass Advice, Change | DONNE TEMPO
Adjusting to a Move
Dear Debbie,
Thank
you for your column. I need some kick ass advice
on an issue facing a friend of mine. He has moved
across country and is finding it very hard to
adjust to life in the East coast after having
lived in NoCal for a good part of his life. Some
people, like him, need a daily practice to stay
grounded. His was surfing...which we don't have
here where he lives. He keeps looking to me for
advice but, he really doesn't listen. What would
you suggest - both as a daily practice a
high-energy, high-intensity surfer kinda guy
would need, as well as the not listening. Men.
They hear, but they don't listen... kick some ass
and throw me a shovel please.... S.H.E.
SHE | 06.25.09 - 3:42 pm | #
Hey S.H.E.,
Thanks for acknowledging the column. And for reaching out on behalf of your friend.
Your surfer pal is lucky to have you in his court. Or should I say, helping him ride this new wave.
Moving is designed to shake up our comfort zones, so I¹m not surprised he's having some challenges. That¹s a-okay. Reorienting takes time, so don¹t feel a need to rush his process.
You pose two excellent questions: One about his pattern of not listening, and the other regarding suggestions you can make to help him find a replacement to surfing.
#1: When people ask me for advice and then don¹t listen to my suggestions (which happens!), I immediately switch gears. The next time they ask for help I engage them to answer their own question. Example: Deb, I live in a city where I can¹t surf any more and that¹s driving me crazy. What should I do? Answer: Huh, that¹s a really good question. What do you think you can do that would come close to the experience of surfing?
Sometimes, the greatest way to support someone is to set the stage for them to generate their own answers, which, if they aren¹t listening, is really what they want.
#2 Here are some high-intensity, high energy alternatives to surfing that can be done in a major city. I¹m sure you¹ve thought of them but just in case:
* boot camp swimming classes amazing - and given at most YMCA¹s
* kick-boxing classes
* boxing classes
* spinning classes
* soccer games in the park
* gymnastics (there¹s some crazy stuff available in most major cities)
* indoor rock climbing
People who choose thrilling life experiences enjoy pushing themselves beyond their comfort zones - like picking up and moving locations! - so, in general, anything that provides your friend with a personal challenge is up his alley.
#3 It could be great fun for him to volunteer some of that energy with a youth group or boys/girls club. It’s also a great way to meet new people and feel fantastic about yourself.
Keep me posted.
Debbie Robins
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel it! gang. You can make a difference at every age!
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.
SHE | 06.25.09 - 3:42 pm | #
Hey S.H.E.,
Thanks for acknowledging the column. And for reaching out on behalf of your friend.
Your surfer pal is lucky to have you in his court. Or should I say, helping him ride this new wave.
Moving is designed to shake up our comfort zones, so I¹m not surprised he's having some challenges. That¹s a-okay. Reorienting takes time, so don¹t feel a need to rush his process.
You pose two excellent questions: One about his pattern of not listening, and the other regarding suggestions you can make to help him find a replacement to surfing.
#1: When people ask me for advice and then don¹t listen to my suggestions (which happens!), I immediately switch gears. The next time they ask for help I engage them to answer their own question. Example: Deb, I live in a city where I can¹t surf any more and that¹s driving me crazy. What should I do? Answer: Huh, that¹s a really good question. What do you think you can do that would come close to the experience of surfing?
Sometimes, the greatest way to support someone is to set the stage for them to generate their own answers, which, if they aren¹t listening, is really what they want.
#2 Here are some high-intensity, high energy alternatives to surfing that can be done in a major city. I¹m sure you¹ve thought of them but just in case:
* boot camp swimming classes amazing - and given at most YMCA¹s
* kick-boxing classes
* boxing classes
* spinning classes
* soccer games in the park
* gymnastics (there¹s some crazy stuff available in most major cities)
* indoor rock climbing
People who choose thrilling life experiences enjoy pushing themselves beyond their comfort zones - like picking up and moving locations! - so, in general, anything that provides your friend with a personal challenge is up his alley.
#3 It could be great fun for him to volunteer some of that energy with a youth group or boys/girls club. It’s also a great way to meet new people and feel fantastic about yourself.
Keep me posted.
Debbie Robins
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel it! gang. You can make a difference at every age!
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.