Laid-off and livid | Deb Robins, Kick Ass Advice, Career | DONNE TEMPO
Laid-off and livid
Dear Debbie:
I was recently laid off. Although this is ultimately a positive change for me, the experience was shocking and horrible. I handled it professionally but I harbor some resentment to some of those in the office who knew I was "on the list" early on but did nothing to warn me.
I haven't acted out on my resentment or burned any bridges....but I still have that nasty smoggy feeling inside when I think about a few colleagues in particular. I really feel like the "right thing to do" would have been to tell me as soon as someone knew. How can I let this go without feeling like I have compromised my true feelings?
Humanly,
Ally
Dear Ally -
Thank you for having the courage to share about your work situation. I’ve been let go too, and it hurts. A lot. It is a-okay to allow yourself to feel the whole range of emotions right now. Hurt. Anger. Hope. How wonderful that you chose to handle this situation professionally and not burn any bridges. Give yourself a standing ovation. I hope you can hear my applause. As for those colleagues that let you down, here’s what I suggest.
#1: Continue to do nothing about them. Not yet.
#2: Instead, do an easy and effective exercise to safely let your anger go. Your primary job right now is to get your energy back that rage and righteousness swallows up.
Get a pad of paper and a pen or pencil. Don’t do this on a computer or typewriter. It must be hand written. Write each of your colleagues a letter that you never mail. Tell them exactly how you feel about what they did. Be very detailed. Really say everything that is on your mind.
Everything!
Then tear up the letters or burn them, but only if you have a safe way to do that - like a fireplace in your home or apartment. If you live in a city, like I do, a garbage incinerator works great too.
#3: Get out your calendar. Pick a date about six months from now. Make a commitment to call up one of your colleagues (the one you care the most about) and invite them out to lunch.
At the lunch, engage them to tell their side of the story. Share with them what would have worked better for you. If necessary, agree to disagree.
My guess is, by the time you have this conversation your life will have taken off in so many miraculous ways, it will be water under the bridge.
You are a winner, Ally. Go make your dreams come true!
Debbie Robins
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel it! gang. You can make a difference at every age!
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.
I was recently laid off. Although this is ultimately a positive change for me, the experience was shocking and horrible. I handled it professionally but I harbor some resentment to some of those in the office who knew I was "on the list" early on but did nothing to warn me.
I haven't acted out on my resentment or burned any bridges....but I still have that nasty smoggy feeling inside when I think about a few colleagues in particular. I really feel like the "right thing to do" would have been to tell me as soon as someone knew. How can I let this go without feeling like I have compromised my true feelings?
Humanly,
Ally
Dear Ally -
Thank you for having the courage to share about your work situation. I’ve been let go too, and it hurts. A lot. It is a-okay to allow yourself to feel the whole range of emotions right now. Hurt. Anger. Hope. How wonderful that you chose to handle this situation professionally and not burn any bridges. Give yourself a standing ovation. I hope you can hear my applause. As for those colleagues that let you down, here’s what I suggest.
#1: Continue to do nothing about them. Not yet.
#2: Instead, do an easy and effective exercise to safely let your anger go. Your primary job right now is to get your energy back that rage and righteousness swallows up.
Get a pad of paper and a pen or pencil. Don’t do this on a computer or typewriter. It must be hand written. Write each of your colleagues a letter that you never mail. Tell them exactly how you feel about what they did. Be very detailed. Really say everything that is on your mind.
Everything!
Then tear up the letters or burn them, but only if you have a safe way to do that - like a fireplace in your home or apartment. If you live in a city, like I do, a garbage incinerator works great too.
#3: Get out your calendar. Pick a date about six months from now. Make a commitment to call up one of your colleagues (the one you care the most about) and invite them out to lunch.
At the lunch, engage them to tell their side of the story. Share with them what would have worked better for you. If necessary, agree to disagree.
My guess is, by the time you have this conversation your life will have taken off in so many miraculous ways, it will be water under the bridge.
You are a winner, Ally. Go make your dreams come true!
Debbie Robins
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel it! gang. You can make a difference at every age!
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.