Fast cars in the Neighborhood | Deb Robins, Courtesy, Children, Kick Ass Advice | DONNE TEMPO
Fast cars in the Neighborhood
Dear Debbie,
I
have recently moved to a new single family house
in a very quiet suburban housing development.
However, there are a few younger drivers (that I
have not yet met) that live on my block and tend
to drive very fast around a blind corner and past
my house. Normally, I wouldn't be that concerned,
but I have five year old twins. For obvious
reasons, we've told the kids not to walk past our
sidewalk and never ever go in the street without
an adult. We have been very clear about
this rule. Despite this, the other day they chose
to sneak out the front door and take the dog for
a walk. While they were out, one of these
younger drivers came whipping around the corner
just as we realized the kids were not in the
house. Luckily the kids were on the sidewalk. I
know we have to do a better job of getting our
kids to follow our rules, but I also don't want
to be fearful if the kids happen to step out the
front door.
I'd like to talk with these younger drivers and ask them to please drive slower, but we just moved to the neighborhood so I don't want start off by coming down on our neighbors. How would you suggest I approach these young speeders?
Concerned Dad
Dear Concerned Dad,
Congratulations on your new home. And those five year old “angels” you are parenting so well. Of course you are concerned for their well-being. You are balancing a challenging situation here, very. You want your kids to accept boundaries that will keep them safe while not fostering so much fear that other developmental problems are caused. Not easy! Particularly at their tender age of five years old. Here’s some Kick-Ass Advice:
#1: Continue to talk to the twins about why you have imposed these rules. Repeating information is a good thing, at every age! As important, don’t forget to ask them what they have heard you say. Often times, we assume we are being heard and forget to see if that is, in fact, true. Even in my sessions with adults, I always end by asking them what they have taken away from our time together – what have you heard me say? This will help you know what is getting through. If the twins understand the situation – the potential danger – they will instinctively make better choices. But at age five, you can not depend on that alone. So....
#2: I encourage you to find a way to engage those young drivers – who were five year olds once – to help you. While I understand your concern about being new to the neighborhood, and not wanting to ruffle feathers, nothing is more important than the safety of your children. Your approach, however, is key. You are absolutely correct that “coming down on them,” (judging their driving/telling them they are in the wrong, even though they are) will most likely NOT give you the results you want. I would start by taking a different tact: I would introduce myself, and ask for their support. I would explain your concerns about the corner, cars and speed, vis a vis your young kids. Make it all about the twins, not your opinion about their driving habits. I would bring the twins to meet them and put a face to the situation. I would engage these young drivers to care about the lives of your children.
#3: If this doesn’t work, you have additional options. You can talk to their parents. You can ask for a two family meeting. You can go to the police and have them talk with the young drivers. You can lock your door and physically stop the twins from going outside unless you are with them. However, if it comes to that, I recommend you find a different community to live in that will allow your family to live in greater peace.
Please let me know what happens. I am envisioning a positive outcome.
Debbie
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel it! gang. You can make a difference at every age!
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.
I'd like to talk with these younger drivers and ask them to please drive slower, but we just moved to the neighborhood so I don't want start off by coming down on our neighbors. How would you suggest I approach these young speeders?
Concerned Dad
Dear Concerned Dad,
Congratulations on your new home. And those five year old “angels” you are parenting so well. Of course you are concerned for their well-being. You are balancing a challenging situation here, very. You want your kids to accept boundaries that will keep them safe while not fostering so much fear that other developmental problems are caused. Not easy! Particularly at their tender age of five years old. Here’s some Kick-Ass Advice:
#1: Continue to talk to the twins about why you have imposed these rules. Repeating information is a good thing, at every age! As important, don’t forget to ask them what they have heard you say. Often times, we assume we are being heard and forget to see if that is, in fact, true. Even in my sessions with adults, I always end by asking them what they have taken away from our time together – what have you heard me say? This will help you know what is getting through. If the twins understand the situation – the potential danger – they will instinctively make better choices. But at age five, you can not depend on that alone. So....
#2: I encourage you to find a way to engage those young drivers – who were five year olds once – to help you. While I understand your concern about being new to the neighborhood, and not wanting to ruffle feathers, nothing is more important than the safety of your children. Your approach, however, is key. You are absolutely correct that “coming down on them,” (judging their driving/telling them they are in the wrong, even though they are) will most likely NOT give you the results you want. I would start by taking a different tact: I would introduce myself, and ask for their support. I would explain your concerns about the corner, cars and speed, vis a vis your young kids. Make it all about the twins, not your opinion about their driving habits. I would bring the twins to meet them and put a face to the situation. I would engage these young drivers to care about the lives of your children.
#3: If this doesn’t work, you have additional options. You can talk to their parents. You can ask for a two family meeting. You can go to the police and have them talk with the young drivers. You can lock your door and physically stop the twins from going outside unless you are with them. However, if it comes to that, I recommend you find a different community to live in that will allow your family to live in greater peace.
Please let me know what happens. I am envisioning a positive outcome.
Debbie
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel it! gang. You can make a difference at every age!
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.