Facebook - When a Friend is not a Friend. | Deb Robins, Kick Ass Advice, Family, Children | DONNE TEMPO
Facebook - When a Friend is not a Friend.
Dear Debbie:
My high school age daughter has lots of "friends" on Facebook. One young man is always trying to force his political and religious views on others by repeatedly posting offensive comments and putting down those that disagree with him.
My daughter has "un-friended" him, but she still sees him daily at school and he keeps asking her to "re-friend" him. She has chosen not to be subjected to his virtual harrassment, but do you have any suggestions for how to handle him in person?
Sara M. | 06.20.09 - 3:42 pm
Sara,
Thanks for writing to me. You must feel very proud of your daughter for “un-friending” this boy on line. This is never an easy choice for a high schooler. Learning to establish boundaries is difficult at any age and she has already shown good sense.
My advice depends on how troubled this young man is, or isn’t.
#1: If he’s a good kid who’s acting out, your daughter might consider saying something along these lines the next time he asks to “re-friend” her.
”I would like to be your friend but it doesn’t work for me when you put people down and are so aggressive about your point of view. You have a right to your opinions. But I have a right to mine too. Friendship, for me, is the ability to share ideas in a positive and safe way. If that’s not something you’re interested in, which is fine, then I think you’d be better off making friends with someone else.”
#2: The key to this kind of communication is to never put the other person down or make them wrong. Rather the goal should be to clearly state what works for you in any given situation. This is every individuals right, but one that is often difficult to assert.
#3: If he’s really troubled, then I suggest you talk to the school psychologist, or counselor, so they are aware of what’s going on and can take action to help him. Aggressive behavior is always a cry for help. It is a way of saying notice me...help me....please.
Let me know what happens. I care.
Debbie Robins
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel it! gang. You can make a difference at every age!
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.
My high school age daughter has lots of "friends" on Facebook. One young man is always trying to force his political and religious views on others by repeatedly posting offensive comments and putting down those that disagree with him.
My daughter has "un-friended" him, but she still sees him daily at school and he keeps asking her to "re-friend" him. She has chosen not to be subjected to his virtual harrassment, but do you have any suggestions for how to handle him in person?
Sara M. | 06.20.09 - 3:42 pm
Sara,
Thanks for writing to me. You must feel very proud of your daughter for “un-friending” this boy on line. This is never an easy choice for a high schooler. Learning to establish boundaries is difficult at any age and she has already shown good sense.
My advice depends on how troubled this young man is, or isn’t.
#1: If he’s a good kid who’s acting out, your daughter might consider saying something along these lines the next time he asks to “re-friend” her.
”I would like to be your friend but it doesn’t work for me when you put people down and are so aggressive about your point of view. You have a right to your opinions. But I have a right to mine too. Friendship, for me, is the ability to share ideas in a positive and safe way. If that’s not something you’re interested in, which is fine, then I think you’d be better off making friends with someone else.”
#2: The key to this kind of communication is to never put the other person down or make them wrong. Rather the goal should be to clearly state what works for you in any given situation. This is every individuals right, but one that is often difficult to assert.
#3: If he’s really troubled, then I suggest you talk to the school psychologist, or counselor, so they are aware of what’s going on and can take action to help him. Aggressive behavior is always a cry for help. It is a way of saying notice me...help me....please.
Let me know what happens. I care.
Debbie Robins
deb@kickassadvice.com
Join the Shovel it! gang. You can make a difference at every age!
Debbie Robins is highly respected corporate, executive, career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Deb is also the author of two books, Where Peace Lives, which has been on two best seller lists and enjoys endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Gore Vidal, Maria Shriver, Arianna Huffington, Penny Marshall, Jane Seymour, Debbie Ford and more. And Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve coming out Nov. ‘09/Alyson Publishing/NYC, with celebrity contributions from Deepak Chopra, Rosanna Arquette, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Carolyn Bivens, Daniel Powter and more.
You can communicate with Debbie by sending her an email to deb@kickassadvice.com If you do not wish your question published and/or answered in this forum, please clearly state that in your email.
For those leaving comments. Watch your language. Don’t be mean or throw stones at others. Donne Tempo Magazine, the editor and/or staff and/or Deb Robins is not responsible for any comment left by a reader, but we retain the right to remove any comment that we decide is offensive.