Lessons From My Sister’s Refrigerator

Like most parents, my refrigerator is papered with a mish mash of pictures of my son, his art work, school-dictated mothers day missives, coupons, and important reminders that get buried under pictures and art work and missives. That’s how you know I’m a mom…by the hodgepodge of items stuck underneath magnets on my refrigerator.

My sister, who is also a mom, and who also has a wonderful collection of inan…I mean, incredibly important…items pasted to her refrigerator, also has a few select “sayings to live by” prominently displayed in a clear space on the front of the refrigerator. She regularly refers her children to them, and they refer each other – and her – to them. They are all worth repeating and exploring.

1. Never raise yourself by pushing others down. I think this is the most important one. Stand on your own merits and accomplishments because they are worthy on their own. You don’t need to point out the faults or shortcomings of others because it makes you look better. While that may make you look good short term, it makes you look bad long term. Besides, it’s just icky and not nice and unnecessary.
2. Stupidity gets no sympathy. Pretty darn straightforward. Don’t come to your mother and say, “MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM…I hurt my foot because I was trying to see if I could punt nails sharp side down.” Nope. No sympathy here. Be warned: lack of soothing even when injury is the direct result of stupidity doesn’t go over well. I often get, “Oh, so you’re mad at me and I’m REALLY HURT!” This isn’t just for physical injury. It also encompasses, “I got a D because I didn’t turn in my homework” and “She got really mad at me because I forgot we had plans and went out with my friends.” Oh well. Better luck next time.

Stop judging, start listening. Eliminate “should” from your vocabulary. This is a tough one because we all do it, but we forget how it sounds to other people. The next time you’re talking to someone, do a couple things. First, think about how many times you say “should.” Then, really make an effort to listen, not to “help.” Don’t think about what you’re going to say before the other person is even done talking. Listen. Wait. Then formulate what you want to say. There are times to give advice, but a lot of time people just want to vent or to share things. If someone says, “Geez! My house is a mess!” they probably actually don’t want you to say, “Yep, it is disgusting. What you should do is take like six hours, really clean it up, stop wasting all that time scrapbooking and really keep that house clean.” On the other hand, if they say, “Geez! My house is a mess! How can you keep yours so clean?” you could say, “What works for me is taking an hour a day and just cleaning one room. And I subscribe to Flylady.” I guess the thing here is that we all really are doing the best we can. Helping, giving advice, guiding, is all good, but eliminate the negative, judging part.

Oh, and related to that, try really hard to avoid the compliment with an insult chaser: “Wow, you look great today…I mean, usually really large people stop taking care of themselves, but you still plug away despite gaining all that weight!” Not good.

I periodically come across other sayings or quotes that I really like, but I haven’t found any that reach the simple wisdom of those three basic life tenants. Sometimes the best advice is the simplest. Or the simplest advice is the best. Or something like that.

Got any other great to live by quotes? We’d love to hear them: Send them to editor@donnetempo.com.