Move Over, Martha Stewart!

I am a creative, artistic womyn. I design amazing quilts, orchestrate awesome paint schemes, and develop riveting fictional plots. I am constantly creating.

I don’t actually DO anything with these creations, mind you. I just imagine them. I owe baby quilts to several friends and relatives – they’re all designed; some have all the materials purchased. Including the wonderful Life Celebration quilt I designed for my parents for their party over three years ago. My dad’s been dead three years next month – so I’m not really sure I’ll ever actually make the quilt – but I have the design and all of the supplies.

To be honest – I’ve never made a quilt in my life. And most of my sewing projects look like my young daughter’s home economics project. Actually – I’m sure she could do a much better job.

I just seem to have a huge chasm between what I can see in my mind – and what I can actually produce.

For example: I was invited to a Mother’s Blessing party this Saturday night. I need to take a candle, a bead, a blessing, food to share, and a quilt square. I bought the candle but couldn’t find a bead I liked, so am taking her a moonstone. Haven’t thought about the blessing yet. Am planning to make lavender shortbread cookies – and have actually made two batches of them recently – and they were delicious both times.

And then there’s the quilt square.

I own a wonderful Bernina sewing machine that also embroiders. I love the machine. I’ve used it maybe four times in as many years. (with NOT wonderful results – the last time was to make fairy costumes for the fairy festival for my daughters. My beloved children looked – rather interesting. They were happy – so it was good.

So why do I own such a wonderful machine, if I don’t actually sew? It’s because my husband, bless his optimistic soul, actually believes me when I say I’m going to make something! And really – I will eventually use it regularly! (yup – I believe it, too!)

But I digress. Back to the quilt square. I’ve been planning it for a few days. I knew I needed to keep it simple, maybe a flannel background with a plain insert with the words, “I am loved”. Maybe add a small embroidery do-dad. Simple, yet pretty and meaningful, right?

And then there’s the actual experience.

I began by clearing out the sewing room so I could actually GET to the sewing machine. Hauled several boxes up to the attic, but under the empty boxes (in case things need to be returned) was a pile of old papers, material and other assorted stuff that the cats had knocked off of the table and been sleeping on. This was starting to feel like work, so I decided to take everything I needed downstairs to my clean dining room to work. Realized I was missing the power cord – relatively important, in the grand scheme of things. Found a power cord, brought it downstairs to the machine – wrong power cord (I still have NO idea where it belongs). Found the right power cord. Get machine to turn ON – Wahoo!

Now….how do I thread the thing? I lug down the five manuals that came with the machine and dig in. I decide to use the thread and bobbin that are already ON the machine, just to simplify things. Attempt to pick up the bobbin thread. Not. Try three more times. Again…not so much.

About an hour later I’ve managed to sew a straight line – but then realize I really do need to change the thread. Another half hour of fumbling and cursing. Then I realize I really need the embroidery attachment – or it’s going to look stupid. That takes at least another hour, and cost me two smashed fingers.

At this point I’m tired and frustrated, and realize my design is beyond my limited capability. My main goal, I told my girlfriend, (who appliquéd a tree of life and colorful leaves on her square) was that my quilt square NOT look like it was made by chimps.

I found a lovely sun design, which could be embroidered on plain fabric (and I remembered to use interfacing!) if I can figure out how to get the machine to embroider. Another stressful hour, and I have an artistic (someone else’s vision) sun in dark green embroidered on light green fabric. It looks like something that should have taken 5 minutes of planning and 10 minutes of execution – and yet it is my entire day’s work.

I really wanted to embroider SUN below it – but am terrified I’ll mess it up and have to start all over. At least this way – it’s done.

And I still have to write a blessing and make the lavender shortbread.

You know it’s bad when you start envying the mother-to-be. All SHE has to do is survive nine months of pregnancy, childbirth, and the next 18 hair-pulling years.

It’s not like it’s a quilt square!