A Hard Day’s Night, Part Two: The Home Front | Paxton says | ENTERTAINMENT
A Hard Day’s Night, Part Two: The Home Front
March/15/08 12:31 AM Filed in: Paxton says
Donna Reed, Carol Brady, June Cleaver and my
mother had something in common – immaculate
homes. And then there’s me.
My job, growing up, was to be smart. To get good grades, which would allow me to go to college, get a good job, and hire others to do the nasty work of cooking and cleaning.
I did my job. I was smart. I got good grades. I spent about a decade in college, collecting various degrees. And then I realized that I preferred being home, raising and educating my children. But houses need to be cleaned – on a regular basis!!! Who knew???
I had no idea how to maintain a home. I knew that it required yelling and blaming – but no clue how to actually do the work. I tried avoiding it. But my husband’s ability to turn a blind eye to the mess outweighed even my own. The mess really didn’t bother him – but it did bother me.
I became the queen of emergency cleaning. I’d clean for hours or days, yelling about the mess, the work, and the ingratitude of those around me, then collapse into a heap, mumbling incoherently. By the time I regained consciousness, the house was a mess again. I was an angry, inept homemaker. I had been destined for greater things – and yet here I was – scrubbing a disgusting toilet. Or, to be precise, refusing to scrub a disgusting toilet.
It finally occurred to me (I’m not always that bright) that keeping the house maintained was my JOB, a job I elected to take on when I decided my children needed me more than the business world. I also knew the first thing I needed to work on was my attitude.
I was angry and stressed when I cleaned – much like my mother on her jeremiad. Unlike my mother – I wasn’t actually accomplishing any cleaning during these tirades. I must have missed that memo. I knew my anger was hurting me – and my family. It had to go.
I tried journaling my outrage – but this actually fed the monster by giving it words and a place to flourish. I can’t grow flowers or vegetables on a bet – but hate and fury – I can grow that!!!
I joined Flylady – back in the beginning. Before her Flyshop and national appearances and book deals. There were only a few thousand flybabies buzzing around. I wasn’t ready to actually clean – her routines left me breathless – but I absorbed her gentle and guilt free philosophy. “Progress NOT perfection!” “Finally Loving Yourself!” There was also something about “taking a lick at a snake with a stick STILL blesses your family!”
Books have always been my refuge and my inspiration. I found Shelter for the Spirit: Create Your Own Haven in a Hectic World by Victoria Moran. My copy is now dog-eared and stained – I re-read her words at least annually. They helped me dispose of my “angry cleaning” emotions, and embrace peace. She also encourages earth-friendly cleaning products. My favorite is Mrs. Meyers – I use her toilet bowl cleaner, counter spray, window cleaner, and all-purpose cleaner. So far I’ve tried Lavender, Honeysuckle, Lemon Verbena and Geranium – and I love them all! Rather than wrinkling my nose at strong cleansers, I deeply breathe in their gentle fragrance and feel – peaceful.
I still struggle daily with routine home maintenance – and I’m not alone. Many of my girlfriends through the years grapple with similar issues. Flylady now has almost 500,000 members in her yahoo group – womyn striving to organize and maintain their home and finances.
It’s as if, en masse, when the world shifted and womyn no longer HAD to be at home with the children, we lost generations of homemaking skills – almost instantly!
It’s time to find some middle ground.
No, we DON’T have to spend six hours a day dusting and scrubbing, but we need to spend a few minutes a day doing it. And, more importantly, we need to teach our children – girls AND boys – that home maintenance is as simple and automatic as brushing your teeth before bed.
It’s time for a new mantra:
We honor and care for our bodies,
We honor and care for our homes,
We honor and care for our earth.
And, in doing so, we find peace.
It’s a Zen thing!
Namaste.
My job, growing up, was to be smart. To get good grades, which would allow me to go to college, get a good job, and hire others to do the nasty work of cooking and cleaning.
I did my job. I was smart. I got good grades. I spent about a decade in college, collecting various degrees. And then I realized that I preferred being home, raising and educating my children. But houses need to be cleaned – on a regular basis!!! Who knew???
I had no idea how to maintain a home. I knew that it required yelling and blaming – but no clue how to actually do the work. I tried avoiding it. But my husband’s ability to turn a blind eye to the mess outweighed even my own. The mess really didn’t bother him – but it did bother me.
I became the queen of emergency cleaning. I’d clean for hours or days, yelling about the mess, the work, and the ingratitude of those around me, then collapse into a heap, mumbling incoherently. By the time I regained consciousness, the house was a mess again. I was an angry, inept homemaker. I had been destined for greater things – and yet here I was – scrubbing a disgusting toilet. Or, to be precise, refusing to scrub a disgusting toilet.
It finally occurred to me (I’m not always that bright) that keeping the house maintained was my JOB, a job I elected to take on when I decided my children needed me more than the business world. I also knew the first thing I needed to work on was my attitude.
I was angry and stressed when I cleaned – much like my mother on her jeremiad. Unlike my mother – I wasn’t actually accomplishing any cleaning during these tirades. I must have missed that memo. I knew my anger was hurting me – and my family. It had to go.
I tried journaling my outrage – but this actually fed the monster by giving it words and a place to flourish. I can’t grow flowers or vegetables on a bet – but hate and fury – I can grow that!!!
I joined Flylady – back in the beginning. Before her Flyshop and national appearances and book deals. There were only a few thousand flybabies buzzing around. I wasn’t ready to actually clean – her routines left me breathless – but I absorbed her gentle and guilt free philosophy. “Progress NOT perfection!” “Finally Loving Yourself!” There was also something about “taking a lick at a snake with a stick STILL blesses your family!”
Books have always been my refuge and my inspiration. I found Shelter for the Spirit: Create Your Own Haven in a Hectic World by Victoria Moran. My copy is now dog-eared and stained – I re-read her words at least annually. They helped me dispose of my “angry cleaning” emotions, and embrace peace. She also encourages earth-friendly cleaning products. My favorite is Mrs. Meyers – I use her toilet bowl cleaner, counter spray, window cleaner, and all-purpose cleaner. So far I’ve tried Lavender, Honeysuckle, Lemon Verbena and Geranium – and I love them all! Rather than wrinkling my nose at strong cleansers, I deeply breathe in their gentle fragrance and feel – peaceful.
I still struggle daily with routine home maintenance – and I’m not alone. Many of my girlfriends through the years grapple with similar issues. Flylady now has almost 500,000 members in her yahoo group – womyn striving to organize and maintain their home and finances.
It’s as if, en masse, when the world shifted and womyn no longer HAD to be at home with the children, we lost generations of homemaking skills – almost instantly!
It’s time to find some middle ground.
No, we DON’T have to spend six hours a day dusting and scrubbing, but we need to spend a few minutes a day doing it. And, more importantly, we need to teach our children – girls AND boys – that home maintenance is as simple and automatic as brushing your teeth before bed.
It’s time for a new mantra:
We honor and care for our bodies,
We honor and care for our homes,
We honor and care for our earth.
And, in doing so, we find peace.
It’s a Zen thing!
Namaste.